mirroring

I was reading my old blog the other day, and while skimming through the cringe-worthy pile of stuff I have written before, one paragraph made me stop because of how related it was in my current dilemma.

(I won't quote myself here because it's annoying, but) In the old post, I was thinking about shifting courses in college. I cannot remember anymore what specific situation I was going through at that time to be in that crossroad, but in the last sentence of the paragraph, I said something that triggered a light bulb moment: I don't want a major change.

Old post was still back in 2007, but here I find myself again in a similar situation: having to make a decision. It's still about shifting courses, but not in the sense of short-term education, it's about changing lifestyles.

The past three months had been rough for me because I let myself get bombarded with my insecurities. When you are not secured enough, it can go a long spiral way down to the pit.

Last week, a dilemma landed on my lap again, and it was the cherry on top of the last three months. If you can still follow, it means it was the worst time. Let me tell you something about myself, I am not good at life decision-making. Not that I make a lot of bad decisions, but it takes me a long time before making one.

This particular decision deserves an overanalysis because everything is at stake. It's the decision that will make you ask, what makes me happy?

But the answer to that is not the point of this writing. In the many hours that I've spent pondering while in commute, thinking about this dilemma, what I've learned is this: it is truly important to know yourself. But knowing yourself alone is only half the battle. I think the key to winning life is to know what and what does not make you happy, and then accept yourself for both and have peace with it.

There is really treasure in the past.