hey sally

Dear Friend,

It's been four months – the longest I've been away from this blog. Things have been the same, and not the same for me. I don't know if I'm able to go on with the details. I guess I'll just try anyway..

On film photography

A noticeable lack of updates here on the blog, and also in shooting. I've stopped shooting film during weekends or shooting casual daily life. Although I bring film and camera during out of town/country trips, I usually spend three rolls at most. 

I haven't had the time to stop and think about why I've cut down time on shooting. I don't think I've lost interest because other people's works keep me inspired on a regular basis. I get inspiration from other people every now and then. I guess the amount of inspiration is just not enough to get me moving to shoot for my own. And there's nothing wrong with that, I know.

On writing

Writing these days is absolutely hell. I've been documenting systems for years in my work, and I still think they are all pieces of shit that no one reads. Writing for myself, on the other hand, is torturous. I'm always hard on myself. Expressing my thoughts in writing just always feels depressing and stale. Reading my old posts, even just the recent ones, makes me nauseous. They are always tacky and unorganized. I'm glad to be able to write at this moment, but do note that my stomach also churns at the feel of it and it feels so dragging.

Life in general

• I can count in one hand the number of books I've read this year. I don't know, maybe I'm just really out of it.
• Graduate school is unexpectedly interesting, although I still have moments of doubt and weakness. 
• Sometimes I think of moving elsewhere and trying something else. All in mind, never in action.
• I still think I'm doing good in life, in the grand scheme of things. But I also feel that it is more difficult to live now with all the rage I feel when I stumble upon news about current events.
• I'm spending money more than I should